Friday, January 4, 2013

Sixty fun slogans to share. Got paid $350 by this company, a while ago:

1. Be quiet, if you have nothing to say.
2. Ladies, look down.
             3. Thinking brings you everything. Not thinking brings you nothing.
4. Sir, you're full of it, including the "s" and the "h"
5. What kind of fool are you: regular on unleaded?
6. A dollar spent is great.. .when it's not yours.
7. You're not a man, son, when you have college loans.
            8.  I want to know the name of the asylum that let you out last Christmas.
9. Beer: It's your friend and enemy.
10. Man + Woman=A whole lot of trouble.
11. Don't do anything, if you don't have a brain.
12. When I grow old, remind me why I don't like you.
13. Heaven on Earth is knowing you'll outlive your in-laws.
14. Who needs Hell...My job sucks!!!
15. If you want to be happy, don't have kids.
16. Being a nerd is being your own prophylactic.
17. When playing baseball, make a home run, but don't run home.
18. "I Love You": the three words men have trouble saying.
19. If your family hates you, you know you're adopted.
20. Kiss the cook when "he" cooks something.
21. The worst discount is paying full price.
22. People become lawyers so they won't be close to God.
23. Football's fun to watch. . .when your wife's not around.
24. Being smart and crazy makes you a perfect shrink.
25. Every newborn child should have a "Handle With Care" tag.
         26. Have your best pal say, "I Protest" when you're getting married at the altar.
27. There's a right way.. .and a guy's way.
28. Divorce.. .they should rename it Purgatory.
29. Life's good.. .when you're not working.
30. Give a person 7.5 minutes of fame, if they want more than 15.
31. If I want to be miserable, I'd join the priesthood.
32. Pay me $10 million, if you want to know my thoughts.
33. If you want to make sense, don't make dollars.
34. A politician's only honest when they're nude.
35. A dog beats a man in the loyalty department.
36. Love is the biggest crime in war.
37. Three sure things: death, taxes and no reality TV.
38. A bad joke is a good reason for getting punched.
39. "I'm pregnant" is the worst thing a parent could hear.
40. If you're an idiot, a village needs you.
41. Smile before you tell your boss where to go.
42. Politics and Religion is a marriage that won't last long.
43. Fooling a fool is too easy to outsmart.
44. A man's sexy when he cries. . .and he's not yours.
45. If you're being silly, be professional about it.
46. "Tough cookies" aren't just cookies.
47. I'd get a goat, if I wanted to be nagged at.
48. Heaven to a guy is looking up a lady's dress.
49. A woman wears the pants when she's not "in the mood".
50. A man playing with a football is really playing with his brain.
51. Disappoint your parents by picking Philosophy as a major.
52. Enlist in the army, if you want to be on a list.
53. You're doing great.. .if you're a klutz.
54. If you see the audience holding guns, get off the stage!!!
55. The only "left" conservatives like are the turns NASCAR drivers make.
56. WWW.GEEKTOPIA.COM: the official site of social rejects.
57. Getting high doesn't mean getting on top of a ladder.                                                                          
58. A six-pack of beer is mandatory when your child asks you about sex..
59. Don't wave the white flag, if you don't want a war to end.
60. A coward is useful.. .when everyone's brave.

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